Random Acts of Kindness or acts that are…kinda random?
Saturday afternoon. I am, as usual, famished and looking forward to lunch. The sun is beating down and I am on a bike in the middle of a traffic snarl in Bangalore. Hardly the kind of situation where I expect anyone, including myself, to be kind.
A man in a half helmet, not unlike my own, looks at me and flashes an incomprehensible yet goofy smile. I gingerly reciprocate, not knowing the source of his affectionate act or mine. The whole incident made me think. Was it a random act of kindness on his part? I wasn’t sure. I could give him the benefit of doubt I suppose. Was the act kind of random? Yes, surely for me.
Is a random act of kindness random at all?
Who amongst us doesn’t love campaigns like ‘Joy of Giving Week’, ‘14 Day Gratitude Challenge’ or ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ month? While I find myself aligned in principle with all of them, I do have my apprehensions, even if seemingly nominal, about their mis-representativeness (is that a word?). Shouldn’t “Joy of Giving Week’’ be simply called ‘Giving Week’, if its basis truly lies in the idea of ‘Daan’, unconditional and unattached giving? In my opinion, all gratitude journal entries should be the same line repeated ad nauseam - I CANNOT BELIEVE I EXIST! Also, are we even any good at judging what in our life we should be grateful for? If we were that smart, wouldn’t we have been already grateful, not needing a challenge to remind us? And last but the most important one - Is a random act of kindness ‘random’ at all? Or even kind? Or just an act?
Choosing and planning to do an action hardly qualifies as random. Succeeding in doing this pre-planned act also seems to nullify any randomness of outcome. The doer is not only aware of the action but also how it would ‘seem’ objectively to the beneficiary of the action. Kind. How many times does it really happen in our lives? A coin toss at best. There is no guarantee that our ‘random’ act is going to be perceived kindly.
It made me think (yes, again). Are the kind actions that I do randomly in life not as kind as the ones that I plan and do? Or are the planned ones ‘super’ or ‘extra’ kind? And if I am capable of planning these acts for a day or a week, shouldn’t I be ashamed that I am not doing them every living moment?
What happens to me when I know that I am being kind?
If I believe that I do planned acts of kindness often, I am more likely to think of myself as a kind person (I know this from experience and I am sure some of you can relate to it). And longer the time between thinking of the act and doing it, more opportunities for this self awareness of your own ‘awesomeness’ to emerge. I can safely bet that most of the wise people I know would want me to not have too many such moments. One way to curb this enthusiasm within us would be to reduce the time period between the thought and the action. And I believe there is an efficient way of doing this - not planning to be kind but simply being random.
Acts of randomness have stayed with me as much as acts of any other kind. Whether it was when a bus conductor took way less than the actual fare when he realised I didn’t have enough, or when a kite (the avian kind) recently, knocked me on my head as I stood on a terrace admiring nature. Not pre-empting the outcome or being manipulative about its quality and instead keeping oneself open to acts of randomness lets one experience a diversity of behaviours and emotional states, including but not limited to kindness.
Presence as the essence of solidarity
My experience at Bhoomi and with Keeday has been that kindness doesn’t have to mean solving someone’s problems. Forget about an individual, not even an entire community can claim to have the antidote to one’s predicament. It would be naive on the part of the individual and hubris of the community to believe so. All one can do is to create a space for the individual to share their vulnerability. How it turns out is almost a roll of the dice…random.
When someone asks for support in a trust based community, is it inevitable that the community is able to fulfil the need? Not necessarily. But does the seeker know that there’s space for them to share their needs and be vulnerable? For some, I would like to believe so. A few lucky ones get what they are exactly seeking. Some who seek monetary support sometimes get only a part of their ask. Someone looking for a psychological support may get access to a physical space. Some may be showered with words of ecouragement and endearment. Some others seeking emotional support may may not get any validation. No reply. No words of affirmation. No XOXOs. Nothing tangible. While we have been schooled to believe that it is always outwardly actions that convey acknowledgment and support, many a times merely being a witness to one’s sharing can be a gentle yet powerful show of solidarity.